why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
