I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
