mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
