We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
