If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
try to milk me bitch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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