Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
