When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had to cum in my sink.
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