i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
