We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
