Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
