Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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