you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
