Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
