Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
