i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
