If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
