He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
