life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize