Nicole vs. Life
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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