I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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