How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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