I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
