Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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