Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
