oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
