We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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