apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
