I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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