I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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