I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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