The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
