You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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