So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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