I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize