just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
