i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
