you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
