Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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