dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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