He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
