Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
