what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
