dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
