***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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