Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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