Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
