I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
