i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
