after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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