finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
