Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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