My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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