Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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