he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
