turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
