There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You made out with two different species that night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
