I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My vagina is officially offended.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
