either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
