Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
