There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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