yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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