i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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