I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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