Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
