yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
