I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
