I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
