He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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