Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
