my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
