Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think people are normalizing furries
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
