i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
