So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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