You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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