just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
