fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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