i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
