Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
