Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
too bad you live with your parents still
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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