I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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