Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
