I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
