The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
